What's so bad about shampoo anyway?

Shampoo is a detergent, just like laundry detergent, dishwashing powder and the stuff you use to clean your bathroom. It cleans out the dirt in your hair, but is very harsh and also takes the natural oils that make your hair shiny, soft and strong. Shampoo wasn't introduced until the early 20th century, before that many people used soap. Soap can wash your hair without removing as much of the natural oils that shampoo does. Unfortunately, it doesn't stand very well in alkaline water. When mineral levels in water began to rise, that made soap a messy, poor item to wash with. It causes 'soap scum' rings around your tub and on your shower doors. Alkali (hard water) makes the scales on your hair stand up, feel rough and get tangled. When washing with water with a higher alkaline content and soap, the "soap scum" gets all tangled up in your hair, is much harder to wash out, and creates a big mess. Shampoo came out on the market just in time, displaying it's only real benefit: it behaves similarly both in hard and soft water. Therefore it was a "Superior" product to an old favorite, soap. But it didn't come without problems. Because shampoo is harsh enough to strip the natural oils from your hair, you need something to replenish them. So, conditioner was born. You need to wash your hair every day not because it gets dirty, but because the oils from the conditioner don't last and need to be replenished.

The oils in your hair come naturally out of your scalp to nourish it. Stripping them away causes damage, and breakage over time. In a way you do need conditioner, if you use shampoo - because it covers up the damage that's been done. But you don't need shampoo in the first place, all you're spending your money on is a big bottle of perfumed detergent.

Most shampoos contain mineral oil. A byproduct of the distillation of gasoline from crude oil, mineral oil is what's left over. It's so abundant that it costs more to dispose of it then it does to package and sell it, so it ends up everywhere. It's added to shampoos and conditioners to give hair an artificial shine caused by coating it with a thick oil. Mineral oil cannot absorb into your skin like other oils do, so it sits on top and forms a barrier preventing oils and toxins from being released as a normal part of your skin's lifecycle. This is one of the reasons you'll find that the more shampoo you use, the more often you need to use it. In the long run, coating your hair with mineral oil makes it weaker, and more prone to damage.

If mineral oil doesn't bother you, maybe the other ingredients will. SLS and SLFS (sodium lauryl sulfate, sodium laureth sulfate) are skin and eye irritants that also acts as a foaming agent in soaps, shampoos, toothpastes, dishwashing liquid... and just about anything that produces a foamy lather. The Materials Safety Data Sheet cautions to avoid body contact with SLS, it also puts infants and children (whose eye are developing at a more rapid rate) at risk for improper eye development when it's absorbed through the skin and accumulates in eye tissues. Because of residual levels in internal organs, it's questioned how safe our current rates of exposure are. "Debunkers", and companies who sell products containing these ingredients claim that the short exposure (shampoo and rinse) isn't enough for it to build up, and that by itself, in the dilution present within the product, the ingredient won't cause damage. This is basically true, however neither take into account recent reports (within the last five years), exposure due to the amount of products which contain SLS/SLFS and how often we use them, and the known chemical reaction with other ingredients commonly found in these products. While not carcinogens, both these substances, when mixed with other ingredients commonly found in shampoo bottles, may cause carcinogenic nitrates to form. Using it in moderation, and even in high amounts probably isn't

I wish I could be your derivative so I could be tangent to your curves.

Nice blouse. But it would look even better accelerating at 9.8 m/s^2 toward my bedroom floor.

I wish I was your integral so I could be the area under your curves.

We're moving pretty fast, this situation has some momentum!

Are you the square root of 2? Because my love for you is irrational!

I've got so much pent-up potential energy. Wanna help me convert it into kinetic energy?

It's so hot in here. Is it global warming, or is it you?

If I was chlorophyll a, you'd be the sun, because you excite my electrons.

How 'bout you and me go back to my place and form a covalent bond?

You're sweeter than fructose.

You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

I wish I were Adenine so I could be paired with U.

If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?

You know.. it's not the length of the vector that counts... it's how you apply the force.

Your love is sweeter than 3.141592656...

You must be gravity, baby, because you're the only thing keeping me here.

I must be trippin' because only acid rain could show me a hallucination as gorgeous as you.

Are the stars out tonight? 'Cause you have one heavenly body.

I wanna react to completion with you.

I'd like to look at you through a telescope so I can check out your celestial body.

I'm so emo, because I know I'll never get to touch your asymptote.

I wish I was Columbus so I could explore your virgin island.

You're so cool, I've got to measure you in Kelvin.

Hey baby, you and I should form a carbon-carbon double bond so I can oxidate your cleavage.

Damn baby, it's a crime to have ass like that. And I wanna take a bite outta crime.

Damn baby do you work at Subway, because you just gave me a foot-long.

Damn baby, you must be Clue because I want you in the Study with the Rope

Damn baby you must be monopoly because you’re sending me straight to jail

Damn baby, you must be Solitaire because you make me play with myself.

Damn baby you must be a bowling ball because I want to pick you up, stick my fingers in you, then throw you in the gutter.

Damn baby, I hope you don't need your Humps because I want your milk with my Cocoa Puffs.

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: if you treat me right I'll do it your way

Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

Baby you remind me of a parrot because I like to have sex with birds

If you were on the menu for McDonald's, they would call you McBeautiful

Do you sleep on your stomach at night? Can I?

Baby, you must be a light switch because you turn me on!

Baby, you must be a tornado, because you blow me away.

I wish I were sine squared and you were cosine squared, so that together we could be one.

If I said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

That shirt looks very becoming on you...of course, if I were on you, I'd be coming, too.

The word of the day is legs, let's go back to my house and spread it.

Damn baby those are nice pants, they'd look better on my bedroom floor.

Damn girl you must practice karate, cause your body is kickin'.

My lips are skittles, wanna taste the rainbow?

Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.

Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns.

Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!

You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!

I lost my teddy bear, would you sleep with me?

(Pull out pants pockets) Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?

Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.

Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!

Hi, I'm the new Milkma

1 What's in your wallet?
Two RSA business cards, a shakeaway card, my eftpos card and several dollars worth of small change.

2 What's under your bed?
A computer, a desk, a holy shitload of books, an awesome harry potter lamp and two very amateur paintings. If you didn't know, I sleep in a desk bunk.

3 What's on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet?
A suitcase, my old work uniform, clothes I no longer wear but can't be bothered throwing out for various reasons and my Howick Intermediate school uniform!

4 What's in your underwear drawer?
I have two! In the top one, there is underwear of a bottom variety, chocolate body paint (backup emergency chocolate for when I don't have any, IF YOU WERE WONDERING), female sanitary devices, stockings, socks and my memory stick. In the second one is my bras, boxers and pyjama bottoms.

5 What's in the trunk of your car?
What car? Lol, my summer hat has been in the back of mum's trunk, along with papamoa seashells and my summer 08 jandals for quite some time.

6 What's in your desk or locker?
Ahaha, I'm going to assume that, by locker, you mean the drawer I keep in Miss Carr's office. I have my geography revision booklet in there, a cardigan that I really should take out, a book on franco-chinese relations or something that I never intend on reading and various papers.

7 Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what's in it?
Ahaha, there is no hiding anything in my room.

8 Do you feel guilty about something right now, if yes what?
I do feel guilty about not telling the 66 Manurewa bus driver to fuck herself and stop getting angry over my giving her a tenner. And not doing the dishes.

9 What is the most embarassing thing in your room right now?
Oh lord, probably my collection of lesbian porn. No, I kid, it's my Supertramp CD.

10 Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about?
Yeah, totally. I wasted $50 on food over a week period.

11 What is your last thought before you fall asleep?
I don't know. "Shit, I'm tired" or something along those lines. I try not to think before I sleep, otherwise it keeps me away.

12 How long have those leftovers been in the fridge?
THERE ARE NO LEFTOVERS.

13 If I confiscated your computer and took a look around....what would I find?
You would find child pornography. No, I kid, you'd probably just find a bunch of music and my cv.

14 Do you sleep with anything?
I sleep with my cellphone, but not like...around my neck or nothing. But other than that, it's just me and my pillows.

15 What is your midnight snack weakness?
I don't eat at midnight! Eating after 8 makes people fat.

16 Have you ever you shop lifted?
Yes. I don't regret it, my lips remained shiny for a long while afterwards.

17 Have you ever vandalized anything?
Yes, I like vandalising graffiti. Writing snarky comments is my specialty.

18 Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Why yes, we're actually rather close work associates.

19 What do you wait until no one is looking to do?
I dance like a retard. Seriously, keep watch one day, you'll see it.

20 Have you told the truth in this survey?
Completely!